so im watching realhousewives of jersey with my mom. she just said they werent really rich bc they were doing their own makeup.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
I walked in on her just letting her nose bleed into her friend's hands
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
All our friends are getting married, and I'm the dateless guy bringing molly to their weddings.
Randomize
