I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
