You found a girl to hook up with at a gay bar?
No. His name was Paco. I didn't get it by choice. I never had a hickey before.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
I miss my innocence.
I miss being able to say, "I've never done this before."
Randomize
