Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
You are the tramp this city needs, but not the one it deserves.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
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