A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
windsor, ontario is like a poor man's amsterdam
no, it is just poor
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Take one last look at my face, because I'm drinking it off tonight.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
is pulling out brownies in the middle of class on 4/20 just too obvious?
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
