He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
walked right past julianne moore (on her walk of shame this morning) god i love new york. :)
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Just got assigned a beer bong as hw in fluids to demonstrate the inverse of pascals principle. I love this prof
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
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