Just so you know, I have a bf.
I guess as long as you bring single girls over and cook cannolis you will still be useful.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Ran into that hot funeral director in the bar two days after the wake. pretty sure we drunk made out.
Grandpa would have been proud
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
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