I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
How bout we save the 40s for when we FINISH the project this time..
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
Randomize
