My boss' voice literally gives me gas
Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
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