we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
drinking steel reserve before noon and watching the price is right... 211... bet i pass out before then.
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
Do not buy a prego test at the Walgreens you frequent. It's awkward. Just trust me.
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
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