Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
Explain why there's a meatball in my bong
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
