think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
i just saw a homeless guy running after a pigeon, catch it and put it in his jacket pocket. I'm not sure if the bird is now his pet or dinner!
Omg. Well, welcome to Oakland...
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
Im at target. Idk why I'm buying condoms AND a tutu for my cat. No one who dresses their cat up has ever gotten laid.
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
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