The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
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