Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
Im wearing all my glow sticks to bed so i know where my arms are at all times.
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
It's a noodle incident. All I can say is that it was completely accidental, no one was too seriously injured, and I'm not allowed back to that bar without a designated pusher for my wheelchair.
I refuse to believe this is a lapse in my dick hunting skills. It's gotta be the gods playing a game.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Pregaming at Jodi's. Ten minutes
Thought it was at Brad's?
Pregaming the pregame. Need alcohol before I can see that dick.
Randomize
