I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
Still bad at ganbling. Still good at dringing.
She said, and I quote "how do you run with something that big between your legs".
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
all i'm saying is don't blame me if your purses are filled with whoppers
are we talking malt balls or BK?
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
True college students do jello shots in the library
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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