i cant decide if i should go fuck j*** or keep watching real genius
the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
tried to suck my ex boyfriends dick last night at a bar... Happy homecoming from me to you
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
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