Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
Woke up at 10 with bourbon being shoved down my throat and him yelling, "shot train! Don't be a bitch"
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
I'm so jealous of your sex life. You know it's awesome when thinking about the sex you had last night brings you tears of joy.
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
Randomize
