She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Can I interview you during sex or would that be weird?
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
Randomize
