I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
walk of shame with early morning football tailgaters. niice.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
You might have been able to redeem yourself had you not referred to grandma as "this bitch".
That explains the hand print on my face. That old lady knows how to throw a punch.
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Randomize