Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I look better un-naked...
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
The brazilian leg lock that the stripper put me in was definitely the highlight of the night
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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