it was a mass text i'm sorry
do you usually send 'hey sexy' as a mass text?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
The handjob she gave me was better than the best blowjob I've ever gotten.. Just imagine the possibilities.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
Randomize
