I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I take it that, because we are not guzzling a box of franzia, everything went alright?
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
And you said I'm not athletic, I rubbed one out with my sports band on, it's the same as walking 1/4 mile.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Randomize
