i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
how thoroughly do i need to sanitize the cone the vet put around my dog's neck for it to be safe to use as a beer bong?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I looked up while we were having sex to see him covering my pillow pet's eyes with his free hand. I think I'm in love
Remember when I said "no boyfriend, no problems"? I lied. Tequila. Tequila is a problem.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
Randomize
