Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm in public and Taylor Swift is playing. It is taking all my effort to not screech like a goat.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Came out of blackout state to the curtains torn down & the headboard laid on top of him. & yes he was still breathing
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
You asked me how red your eyes were... they were shut.
Randomize
