I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize
