Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
Please tell me why there is some girl tied to our toilet?
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
Because making bad decisions is what makes our house great and I don't plan on changing that anytime soon.
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
