Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Don't text me when you know I'm doing lines on my phone
Pretty much knew it was gonna be awful when the extra condoms she had from her ex were entirely too big for my dick
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
just passed out again, this time at a subway. On a positive not they gave me a free sandwich, pretty sure out pity but at this point i don't care
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Dude, chad is laying across the room, violently, passionately, pornographicly eating something and I seriously think the 'some thing' is fighting back.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
