i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Have you SEEN his girlfriend?? Or talked to her? Christ almighty I'd drink every day just to die let alone black out
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
He lit a candle for the mood and ended up lighting my hair on fire while we were hooking up...moodkiller
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
Randomize
