My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I woke up and he was just feeling up my stomach. I felt like buddha and he was rubbing my belly for good luck. never again.
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Randomize
