just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
Everytime I see a couple on campus walking and holding hands I just want to yell he's gonna lie!
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
He said I was the "egg mcmuffin" of blowjobs. I'm flattered.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
Randomize
