I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
I feel like a fucking princess. Like an heiress of a kingdom of drugs.
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I may have just made our entire microwave glow green. Like big green. Like spark and make me shit green.
Like worse than the time I blew up the microwave with the egg green.
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
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