Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
A girl limped into my class 15 minutes late wearing sunglasses, leggings, and a kiss me im irish shirt. She sat down and took her glasses off and im pretty sure she only had one eye's makeup still on. Someone had a great st pattys day.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize