just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
she just walked in and said "well, I got peed on again"...
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
