he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
wait can you just like go into detail with this penis touching thing? like was it a hand job or was it like a day at the petting zoo or something
Eating pizza and drinking wine while I watch the Victoria's Secret Fashion Show. The wine is for reducing the pain of falling asleep with more insecurities than what I woke up with.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
