whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
we where pretty evenly matched until he threw me through that wall
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I shit myself and fell down the stairs and I’m still finding shit In those pants.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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