Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
