plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
It was awful until we put her on a word ration. And she rationed her words accordingly. I love blondes.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
