Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
My doctor wrote down abstinence as my form of birth control. #ihavenodatinglife
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Randomize
