Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
So essentially hes paying me $150k/year for the rest of his career to not have sex
SERIOUSLY? WTF! why cant I find a super hot, super gay, super conservative christian NFL player in need of a beard?
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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