we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
The men handing out bibles on the quad are blatantly skipping me... am i that obvious
I was wasted and lost so I called the cops and asked for directions. It seemed logical at the time
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
Randomize
