ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
See, the Lortab wasn't working enough, so I thought "hey, vodka can speed that up! That's how science works!" Which probably should've been my indication that the Lortab was in fact working
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
I feel like I was playing penis roulette last night nd I landed on the wrong one.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
