i make out with random ppl when i drink he shouldnt feel special
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
Someone stole a lamp last night.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
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