I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Imagine Captain Hook, but in penis form and sometimes shy.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
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