Hey, do you have a beer bong you could drop off at my little brother's place?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
its not like she's the last girl on the planet with symmetrical breasts and great skin
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
The bond between me and cheese is something no man can understand.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
dude, shes trippin so bad. idk what shes on, she just told me she doesnt remember her name then proceeded to get in the shower clothed to try to "rinse off the high"
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
Randomize
