new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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