First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
No gym. Sooooo hung over. Just puked up the water I drank and it still has ice cubes in it.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
currently googling "apology gifts for when you poop on their floor"
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
