When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
