Why are handjobs necessary in class?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
my life has come down to walking through campus and wondering if every guy is the random i made out with saturday
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize