Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
today is the best snowday of my entire life. also its no shirt day.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Then my perve supervisor asked about your vagina. And I was like nunya, but its glorious
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Randomize
