Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
were lost, were cold and we don't know what to do with the stray cat we found.
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I just feel like I'm worth a little bit more than your recycled nudes...
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
