the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
The only food I have to eat is weed gummies and magic mushrooms... This is peak 34
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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