my head looks like a cockatoo
mine looks like a lions mane...looks like the entire zoo is going to prom
I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
pretty sure the dicks i sucked were punishment enough
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
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