The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so let's talk penis.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
Either he was jacking off or having a seizure next to me in bed. Either way, I was too lazy to help.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
Randomize
