I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
Yeah, that's not really a good thing. Especially for a girl. You should get a tattoo on your stomach that says "Please wear a condom".
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Text me some of your sweat
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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