you know its a sad night when you can actually see and hear sitcoms on at the bar
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
we just drove by a car that was painted for a grad, it said "you done it!" with a confederate flag bumper sticker next to it. i love kentucky
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
