I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
All I remember was after sex she kept trying to take pictures of my dick "for memories"
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
Randomize
