In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
look, i dont wanna be "that girl" but if someone offers me coke in exchange for sex, i cant say no.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
Randomize
