smoking a bowl while I'm peeing. i love having a big dick.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
I can't decide if I'm depressed or if this is just what life without a bidet feels like.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
I mean there are real risks associated with having unprotected sex, but I don’t think I need to worry about a ghost possessing me and having unprotected sex while using my body
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
