Just saw a midget shotgun a coors light
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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