yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
My penis looks like a roll of pennies
Oh. Ok. I get the hint.
Like a roll of pennies where the paper got wet & then dried all wrinkly and weird...
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
You kept saying "sir officer" which would have been polite and helped you if it wasn't a female. She was pissed.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
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