apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
i just picked a peanut m&m up off the floor. with my toes. and then proceeded to eat it.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
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