remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
Dude, no matter how drunk you are, it's not okay to hug every other guy at a strip club. Mainly because boners are far too common.
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
I currently look like a drunken mermaid, god I love beach parties.
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
